There
is always an unpleasant awareness of how much hurt comes from the church. It's an unspoken hurt. Today as i shared with a friend about this topic i echoed how church hurt is almost if not at all similar to family hurt or worse. Many of us may be experiencing or may have experienced church hurt. What makes it different is that it happens in the place where you thought safety existed.
Psalm 41:9 Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.
If you are a regular attendee of a church, ministry, or faith group, the chances are high that at one time or another you’ve had your feelings hurt, either by a member of the congregation, or even by a Pastor, Minister or other Church leader. The feeling that immediately sets in is why? Why would those that you thought would be your "protectors" all of a sudden seem or feel some type of way about you? Why the outright jealous? Why the consistent gossip? The maligning? The slander? Why the competition?
Some people will simply hate you for absolutely nothing. Not that there should be an excuse for hate because the body of Christ does not operate in hate. But i assure you there are those who will not like you for flimsy and petty reasons as the shape of your nose or your ears or even your accent. Some will not like the way you dress or the way you shout Hallelujah during worship. Dying your hair, lipstick, nail polish or people realizing that you have a tattoo or you have a nose ring or that you wear an anklet. Your dress being too lose or to long. Short or tight according to them. I have heard the phrase like "My blood doesn't pick her/him." Meaning that they don't know why but they just don't like you for no apparent reason.
1 John 4:20-21 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And He has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
If you are thinking about a person then it should be a sign that you should be praying for them instead of running your mouth about them. It is said that hurting people hurt others and i seem to agree with this observation. If only we would understand where people are coming from and how much God loves people then we would love God's people as well. When you feel you’ve been wronged like this by a fellow brother or sister, it can be all too tempting to retaliate and say or do something hurtful, or even walk out and never come back. Its unfortunate that some of us in the church are the people that cause people to leave church and even lose trust in salvation. Matthew 18:6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones - those who believe in me - to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."
In cases where we have been hurt what do we do?
DON'T leave church. Instead, look to the example Jesus set for us and follow that. The first thing you need to do when feeling any kind of hurt or pain is to pray to God for the strength to forgive the person who has caused you such pain.
This may sound hard to do but it’s essential, as forgiveness is the only way you will ever get over your pain. Pray and ask God to help you to forgive, and trust in Him to address the issue on your behalf. It doesn’t mean you won’t still feel offended or angry, nor does it mean the person who has hurt you will get away with their actions, if they have done something truly malicious. The truth is, hard as it may seem, it is not your responsibility to see they are brought to account for their actions, it is God’s.
Trust in Him and trust He will see you right. Never immediately react to a painful situation, for it is in these moments that our human weaknesses will make us the most likely to stray from God’s plan for us.
Especially don’t cut yourself off from your church or ministry out of spite, as not only will you be annexing yourself from your fellow Christians, and distancing yourself from God’s light, but when we persevere as a community together, we grow stronger.
In these troubled times, all Christians need to remain united, despite our hurt, despite our many differences. No matter which of your Christian brothers or sisters has caused you pain, don’t turn away from them and don’t turn your back on your church.
Instead, find a way to express your feelings healthily to the person in question, being mindful of the fact they may not even know just how much they have hurt you. Avoid angry words, spiteful talk and blame, instead try and do as Jesus did when He was persecuted by the Romans and rise above the moment.
Remember that God wants us to love our fellow brothers and sisters, and with that in mind, when you tell the person who has hurt you how upset you are, be mindful to approach them in a spirit of love. Use phrases like, “when you did that I felt hurt because” or similar to let them know how you feel without coming across as angry.
You never know, they might address the situation there and then, apologizing or explaining their actions in a way that makes your pain dissolve.
If it doesn’t happen like that though, don’t become disheartened. Instead remember 1 Corinthians and the message from those wise words and maintain a heart full of love. It is true, in the end, love is all that matters and what we can also learn from Corinthians is that love is the only thing that has any true power to heal.
So don’t strike out in anger, remember how you love the person who has hurt you, even though you might not like them very much at the moment, and instead, turn the other cheek and trust in God to deal with them.
Keep attending church meetings and services, even if it’s a church leader who has hurt you. Try and find a way to mend the situation, even if it takes you making the first step, even when you feel it should be they who make reparations to you.
This is what Jesus did even as He was being betrayed by those He trusted and sentenced to die a cruel death. Can you honestly say that you are experiencing as much hurt as our Lord did in that situation?
None of us can ever hope to be as perfect as Jesus was, but we should remember He gave his life so we could live and receive forgiveness for our sins, so surely the least we can do is try to follow His example. We need to listen to His words and come together as Christians, to build up our church community and make it stronger, not harbor grudges and indulge in infighting and backstabbing.
is always an unpleasant awareness of how much hurt comes from the church. It's an unspoken hurt. Today as i shared with a friend about this topic i echoed how church hurt is almost if not at all similar to family hurt or worse. Many of us may be experiencing or may have experienced church hurt. What makes it different is that it happens in the place where you thought safety existed.
Psalm 41:9 Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.
If you are a regular attendee of a church, ministry, or faith group, the chances are high that at one time or another you’ve had your feelings hurt, either by a member of the congregation, or even by a Pastor, Minister or other Church leader. The feeling that immediately sets in is why? Why would those that you thought would be your "protectors" all of a sudden seem or feel some type of way about you? Why the outright jealous? Why the consistent gossip? The maligning? The slander? Why the competition?
Some people will simply hate you for absolutely nothing. Not that there should be an excuse for hate because the body of Christ does not operate in hate. But i assure you there are those who will not like you for flimsy and petty reasons as the shape of your nose or your ears or even your accent. Some will not like the way you dress or the way you shout Hallelujah during worship. Dying your hair, lipstick, nail polish or people realizing that you have a tattoo or you have a nose ring or that you wear an anklet. Your dress being too lose or to long. Short or tight according to them. I have heard the phrase like "My blood doesn't pick her/him." Meaning that they don't know why but they just don't like you for no apparent reason.
1 John 4:20-21 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And He has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
If you are thinking about a person then it should be a sign that you should be praying for them instead of running your mouth about them. It is said that hurting people hurt others and i seem to agree with this observation. If only we would understand where people are coming from and how much God loves people then we would love God's people as well. When you feel you’ve been wronged like this by a fellow brother or sister, it can be all too tempting to retaliate and say or do something hurtful, or even walk out and never come back. Its unfortunate that some of us in the church are the people that cause people to leave church and even lose trust in salvation. Matthew 18:6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones - those who believe in me - to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."
In cases where we have been hurt what do we do?
DON'T leave church. Instead, look to the example Jesus set for us and follow that. The first thing you need to do when feeling any kind of hurt or pain is to pray to God for the strength to forgive the person who has caused you such pain.
This may sound hard to do but it’s essential, as forgiveness is the only way you will ever get over your pain. Pray and ask God to help you to forgive, and trust in Him to address the issue on your behalf. It doesn’t mean you won’t still feel offended or angry, nor does it mean the person who has hurt you will get away with their actions, if they have done something truly malicious. The truth is, hard as it may seem, it is not your responsibility to see they are brought to account for their actions, it is God’s.
Trust in Him and trust He will see you right. Never immediately react to a painful situation, for it is in these moments that our human weaknesses will make us the most likely to stray from God’s plan for us.
Especially don’t cut yourself off from your church or ministry out of spite, as not only will you be annexing yourself from your fellow Christians, and distancing yourself from God’s light, but when we persevere as a community together, we grow stronger.
In these troubled times, all Christians need to remain united, despite our hurt, despite our many differences. No matter which of your Christian brothers or sisters has caused you pain, don’t turn away from them and don’t turn your back on your church.
Instead, find a way to express your feelings healthily to the person in question, being mindful of the fact they may not even know just how much they have hurt you. Avoid angry words, spiteful talk and blame, instead try and do as Jesus did when He was persecuted by the Romans and rise above the moment.
Remember that God wants us to love our fellow brothers and sisters, and with that in mind, when you tell the person who has hurt you how upset you are, be mindful to approach them in a spirit of love. Use phrases like, “when you did that I felt hurt because” or similar to let them know how you feel without coming across as angry.
You never know, they might address the situation there and then, apologizing or explaining their actions in a way that makes your pain dissolve.
If it doesn’t happen like that though, don’t become disheartened. Instead remember 1 Corinthians and the message from those wise words and maintain a heart full of love. It is true, in the end, love is all that matters and what we can also learn from Corinthians is that love is the only thing that has any true power to heal.
So don’t strike out in anger, remember how you love the person who has hurt you, even though you might not like them very much at the moment, and instead, turn the other cheek and trust in God to deal with them.
Keep attending church meetings and services, even if it’s a church leader who has hurt you. Try and find a way to mend the situation, even if it takes you making the first step, even when you feel it should be they who make reparations to you.
This is what Jesus did even as He was being betrayed by those He trusted and sentenced to die a cruel death. Can you honestly say that you are experiencing as much hurt as our Lord did in that situation?
None of us can ever hope to be as perfect as Jesus was, but we should remember He gave his life so we could live and receive forgiveness for our sins, so surely the least we can do is try to follow His example. We need to listen to His words and come together as Christians, to build up our church community and make it stronger, not harbor grudges and indulge in infighting and backstabbing.
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